My Little Angel

She never opened her eyes but I already knew her eyes sparkled like the night sky.  Sophia, born an angel, that God already needed.  Her life lasted only a few hours but changed by life forever.  Only the best die young. Sophia deserved the life that she will never be able to experience but we will life through her.  She made the biggest impact on my life even though she'll never know it.

My mom has four kids; Sophia would have been her fifth.  On the phone with her boyfriend (the father of Dante, my little brother who's 7), she expresses to him that she may be pregnant again.  She asks me, "Do you know if we have a pregnancy test?"  I said, "I'm not sure, why?" She replied, "I think I might be pregnant." After looking for a pregnancy test and realizing we didn't have one, she ran to the store to buy one.  Moments later, she took the test and came back with the news. "I'm pregnant", she said.  I didn't know how to feel at the time. I was mad because she already had four kids, upset because I felt it wasn't the time and happy because there'd be another baby on the way. I wasn't sure how my other siblings were going to take it.  Last time my mom was pregnant with Dante' and told my brother Gage(age 21), he was completely distraught and didn't know how to handle it; I didn't know what he would say or think about another baby.  After a while, everyone seemed okay with it, and excitedly awaited the baby.

I went to one of the ultrasounds with my mom to hear the heartbeat and see what the baby looked like.  Nervous and excited all at the same time, I awaited the doctor to call out my mom's name.  Finally, the doctor said, "Miechelle?" We got up and followed the doctor back to the ultrasound room.  The doctor started the ultrasound and began looking for the heartbeat.  She searched and searched for the heartbeat, I tried to comfort my mom with a reassuring smile but I felt just as nervous as her.  After some time, she finally found the heartbeat but it was dim, a bit of relief lifted off our shoulders.  The doctor said that the amniotic fluid was low and to drink plenty of fluids and get some bed rest.  My mom nodded with acceptance and in her mind I knew she felt terrified but she put on a pleasant smile and sat up.

Throughout the following months, things took a turn for the worst. My mom fllowed the doctor's orders and stuck to her bed rest and drank plenty of fluids.  It almost felt like my mom went to the hospital almost every other day because of her heavy bleeding.  Every time she returned home, she would say, "The doctor told me to stay on bed rest."  Days later she'd be right back in the hospital with the same problem.  We weren't sure what was quite wrong yet.  Finally, the doctor told my mom that the baby had Potter's Syndrome, a fatal disease that caused the baby to be born without kidneys or even have room to have kidneys.  Commonly the baby would have deformities to the face or to the body.  The doctor told my mom that Sophia wasn't going to make it after the birth.  If anything, the baby would survive for moments after the birth and then she'd pass away.  My mom had no idea how to take this news, crying hysterically all the time; no one knew what to say to make her feel better.

The night of the birth, my mom experienced the same heavy bleeding, so when she left for the hospital, nobody knew we'd get a call saying, "I'm in labor, come to the hospital." My mom and I both agreed that I would be in the room when Sophia was born but once we got there, the doctor told me I couldn't because of a C-Section and I had to be 18 to be in the room.  MY brother Gage went into the room with my mom, expecting the worst but praying for the best. Sitting in the waiting room, trying to keep my little brother and sister(Madison,11) calm, only made my nerves worse.  My heart began to race and I stared at the clock, bouncing my legs up and down anxiously.  Finally, Gage walked out with the saddest face on and told us to come with him.  He had tears in his eyes and I already knew what to expect.  I walked in the room hesitantly, not sure what to think of how to feel.  My mom full of tears handed Sophia to me so I could hold her.  I just looked at Sophia's face and began to cry, just knowing that her life was about to come to an end.  The most beautiful baby girl I had ever seen in my life, just lying in my arms.  After the doctor told us that she may have some deformities, I expected the worst and almost afraid to see her but she was incredibly beautiful.  She looked like every other normal baby, just a little smaller but I can't even express the true beauty I saw in her.  I only held her for a short period before I just couldn't handle the pain anymore.  I hugged my brother and we just cried hysterically.  Dante', Madison, Hasana (Gage's girlfriend), and I all walked back to the car just distraught from taking in what had just happened.  Nobody talked the whole way home because no one knew what to say.

Sophia survived longer than the doctors predicted.  She pushed through and lived for 2 hours.  I never thought that something so tiny could have such a large impact on me.  In a heartbeat, I would have traded places with her just to let her have a chance to live her life.  Sophia brought our family closer than we've ever been before.  She taught me to take nothing for granted and your family is the only thing that matters because when you're at your lowest, they're going to be there to pick you back up.